You're My Wifey
by merryfortune
Summary: [Episode 9 / Missing Scene] Kotetsu and Barnaby are drinking. Naturally, this leads to bad decisions that are likely to stay forgotten due to the chaotic circumstances they wake up to in the morning.


**You're My Wifey**

 **[AN: Set during Episode 9]**

Kotetsu was sprawled over Barnaby's chair with a collection of alcohols at his side. He had a glass of fruity-smelling champagne and was enjoying it. He swivelled idly and worried as Barnaby came into view. 'How're the kids?' he asked.

'Out like lights.' Barnaby replied.

'Sorry, I just saw 'em and I couldn't help myself.' Kotetsu said.

Barnaby sat down. 'I don't like drinking alone. Besides, you picked all the cheap stuff.'

'Well, it's because I thought you'd skin me alive if I went upmarket.' Kotetsu explained.

'I probably wouldn't... I would be tempted too but I would think of reasons not to.' Barnaby said.

'That just fills me with confidence.' Kotetsu huffed with sarcastic intones.

Kotetsu poured out a second glass of what he was drinking and gave it to Barnaby. 'Here ya go, Bunny.' Kotetsu said.

'Don't call me that. I've told you once; I've told you a thousand times, I don't appreciate being called that, old man.' Barnaby said and he took a sip from the champagne. He could easily taste how watered down it was.

They drank together, mostly in silence and mostly in moderation, but once they knocked over the champagne, they quickly moved onto the stronger stuff. Kotetsu had a system that Barnaby didn't understand. In a few hours, they were on the harder stuff that wasn't fruity or delicate.

'You know how I can tell I'm drunk?' Kotetsu asked. Barnaby glanced at him.

'Because you can't see straight?' he guessed because that was how Barnaby knew he was drunk. He was seeing blurred lines and afterimages where they shouldn't be.

'Well... Not now, I can tell because I'm feelin' nostalgic.' Kotetsu said and his lips smacked together, seemingly out of synch with what he was saying.

Barnaby wasn't curious as to where this conversation was going. He already knew what Kotetsu was probably going to say. He moved in closer anyway and decided to listen to the yarns of a senile old man.

'This feels just like when my daughter had just been born. Only now I have two kids and a Bunny rather than one kid and a wifey.' Kotetsu said and he faced Barnaby. 'You're my wifey now, Bunny. We're married now. Yup, married... Dragon kid and Sam're now our kids.' Barnaby chuckled.

'Sure. Why not?' Barnaby said. He didn't know what he was saying any more. His brain felt separate to his body.

Kotetsu grinned. 'Since you're my wifey now, tha' means I get to eat your meals and I can massage your shoulders. How... How's that sound?' Kotetsu asked.

'Sure. Why not?' Barnaby repeated.

Kotetsu moved in closer to Barnaby. They were both sitting on the floor now. Kotetsu's hand floundered over Barnaby's. Barnaby's hands were very different to his own. Through the alcoholic smells, Kotetsu could smell what Barnaby usually smelt like. He was too drunk to be able describe it though.

Barnaby moved in closer again and rested his head against Kotetsu. He could hear Kotetsu's heartbeat. 'You're warm.' Barnaby murmured.

'And you're pretty.' Kotetsu mumbled.

Neither was sure of what they were doing. It felt very dreamlike. Barnaby gazed into Kotetsu's eyes. Kotetsu's gaze drifted downwards, towards Barnaby's lips.

Kissing a man was very different to kissing a woman. That's what Kotetsu learned in the proceeding moment after their lengthy, held gaze. The smell of aftershave was there and there wasn't any fruity chap-stick lingering. There was the scratch of whiskers and harder facial features. However, that didn't make it unpleasant.

It was Barnaby who broke off their kiss. He laughed. 'Old men shouldn't be kissing... kissing... me.' he hiccupped and seemed in a daze.

'Nah, yer definitely wrong there.' Kotetsu mumbled.

Kotetsu fell asleep first and sprawled backwards. Barnaby crawled off, gave him some space, and followed suit. In the morning, neither remembered their little "marriage". The only thing they remembered was the taste of alcohols. There wasn't the faintest linger in their mind in the morning that something unusual may have taken place during their black out. And if they did notice, they ignored it because of the headache having a tantrum inside of their skulls and Agnes having a tantrum over the phone.


End file.
